PJFP.com

Pursuit of Joy, Fulfillment, and Purpose

Category: personal

  • Letting Go of “Almost” Love: What You Truly Deserve

    “You deserve to be loved and chosen — not almost loved, or almost chosen. … Have the courage to let go of the people who leave your heart confused. Let go of the people who make you feel like you are compromising all that you desire, and all that you hope for, and all of the goodness and the beauty that you know exists in this world, for a skinny version of love. … Let go of the fears you have that keep you holding on to something that hurts, something that is so heavy, something that has only left you feeling misunderstood, or unworthy, or at war with yourself. Let go of waiting for the people you have always treated kindly, to treat you kindly. Let go of waiting for the people you have always treated with respect, to treat you with respect. Let go of waiting for the people you have always chosen, to finally choose you. Let go of waiting. Let go of holding your breath, just hoping that things change.”

    — Bianca Sparacino, A Gentle Reminder

    Bianca Sparacino’s quote from A Gentle Reminder speaks to the heart of anyone who’s ever found themselves waiting around, hoping that someone—just anyone—will finally choose them fully. Not kind of, not sometimes, but actually and completely choose them. It’s a hauntingly beautiful reminder to stop settling for “almost love,” the half-hearted affection that leaves you feeling hollow and questioning your worth. Because, honestly, don’t we all deserve something better than that?

    So many of us know what it’s like to hold on to relationships that are “almost.” We keep waiting for people to see our value, to show up for us, to love us the way we’ve shown love to them. It can feel like a slow, constant heartbreak—a hope that never really turns into happiness. Yet, as Sparacino says, it’s time to let go.

    Why Do We Hold On?

    Sometimes, holding on to these half-measures of love feels safer than being alone. We cling to “almost” relationships because of fear—fear of being alone, fear of never finding something better, fear of facing ourselves. We stick around, hoping that maybe if we change, or give it time, or make enough sacrifices, things will improve. But when we’re honest with ourselves, deep down we know the truth: if someone consistently leaves you feeling “unworthy, or misunderstood, or at war with yourself,” that’s not love. That’s emotional weight, and it’s holding you back.

    Choosing to Let Go

    Letting go isn’t easy; it’s actually terrifying. Letting go means confronting the idea that what we’re clinging to isn’t actually what we need or deserve. Sparacino reminds us that waiting for someone who only loves us halfway is not the path to happiness. Imagine being in a relationship where you’re not constantly wondering if you’re “enough,” not bending over backwards to get a little affection, or guessing where you stand. Real love doesn’t leave room for constant doubt.

    So have the courage to let go of anyone who makes you feel like you’re “almost enough.” This isn’t about giving up on love—this is about making room for the love that you truly deserve, one that sees your worth and chooses you fully and wholeheartedly. You owe it to yourself to be loved completely, without hesitation.

    Breathe Again, and Move Forward

    Sparacino’s words are a powerful reminder that love isn’t supposed to feel like “holding your breath.” Love isn’t something we should be constantly reaching for, feeling just out of our grasp. You deserve to be chosen, valued, and cherished—not just sometimes, but always. Let go of those who leave you feeling stuck and misunderstood, and start choosing yourself instead.

    It may feel risky, even lonely, but letting go of “almost” love creates space for something real, something fulfilling, something that doesn’t leave you questioning your worth. As you let go, take a deep breath, and remember: you are worthy of a love that is complete, steady, and ready to choose you every single day.

  • Navigating the Midlife Crossroads: A Unified Strategy for Renewal, Reinvestment, and Reinvigoration


    A midlife crisis is often viewed as a period of upheaval and uncertainty. However, it should be seen as an opportunity for a strategic reset, a time to open doors to new possibilities and deepen your understanding of yourself. Just as in volatile financial markets or artistic endeavors, this stage of life can bring opportunities. The key is knowing how to navigate it effectively.

    Reassess Your Portfolio (Life and Financial)
    Begin any crisis with a thorough reevaluation of your investments—both emotional and financial. This period provides an opportune time to reassess your life portfolio. Which relationships, career paths, and habits are delivering high emotional and financial returns? It’s time to divest from toxic aspects and reallocate energy to the more rewarding facets of life.

    Emotional Diversification
    Financial diversification is important, but so is emotional diversification. Diversifying your emotional investments across relationships, personal growth, and new experiences can provide a foundation for emotional stability and fulfillment.

    Skill Liquidity
    Adaptability is a prized asset in any fast-changing landscape. This holds true for your life as well; building new skills and branching out ensures that you’re never stuck in a single, unfulfilling role, either professionally or personally.

    Assessing and Managing Risks
    Risk assessment is a crucial aspect of both financial planning and life planning. Being in the middle stage of life often means there are higher stakes in every decision you make. Understanding your risk tolerance for life-changing events and investment strategies becomes critical.

    Intentional Time Allocation
    Effective time management techniques can help you use your time wisely, allowing you to focus on rebuilding or enhancing career goals, family relationships, and personal well-being.

    Mindfulness and Mental Health
    Mindfulness practices can guide you through the emotional maze of a midlife crisis. Having mental clarity can help you make impactful decisions during this pivotal period.

    Family and Relationships
    Nourishing family relationships and focusing on creating a lasting legacy can provide invaluable meaning during this significant phase of life.

    Health Is Wealth
    Health optimization strategies that focus on improving your quality of life are a crucial part of navigating a midlife crisis successfully.

    The Urgency of Now
    Time is the ultimate non-renewable resource. Use the urgency that a midlife crisis brings to fuel your goals and ambitions, rather than becoming mired in indecision or regret.

    A midlife crisis is not a dead end but a crossroads. Through strategic planning, emotional intelligence, and a renewed focus on what truly matters, you can turn this crisis into a launching pad for a more fulfilling and prosperous second half of life. The blend of disciplined action, mindfulness, and adaptability isn’t just a strategy; it’s a holistic approach to successfully navigating through this complex yet rewarding phase of life.

  • Finding Harmony: The Intersection of Stoicism and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

    Finding Harmony: The Intersection of Stoicism and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

    Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophical school, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a modern evidence-based psychological treatment, might appear quite distinct at first glance. However, upon closer examination, one can find significant overlap and shared principles that make their intersection a fascinating area of exploration.

    The Roots of Stoicism and CBT

    Stoicism, founded by Zeno of Citium in the 3rd century BCE, emphasizes rational thinking, self-control, and the importance of understanding what is within one’s control. Stoic philosophers like Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius stressed the idea that our emotional reactions to events are largely determined by our thoughts and beliefs, rather than the events themselves.

    CBT, developed in the 1960s by psychologists Albert Ellis and Aaron T. Beck, aims to help individuals identify and change maladaptive thinking patterns and behaviors. By doing so, CBT seeks to improve mental health and overall well-being by teaching more adaptive coping strategies.

    Shared Principles and Techniques

    Both Stoicism and CBT emphasize the importance of rational thinking, self-awareness, and the ability to discern what is within one’s control. They also share a focus on emotional resilience, mindfulness, and acceptance.

    For example, in Stoicism, the concept of “cognitive distancing” encourages individuals to view their thoughts as separate from their identity, allowing them to question and modify irrational beliefs. Similarly, in CBT, cognitive restructuring helps individuals identify and challenge cognitive distortions, promoting healthier ways of thinking.

    Differences and Complementarity

    While there is significant overlap between the principles and techniques of Stoicism and CBT, it is important to acknowledge their differences. CBT is a structured, time-limited, and problem-focused therapy that incorporates elements from various psychological theories, including cognitive psychology, behaviorism, and humanistic psychology. In contrast, Stoicism is a comprehensive philosophical system with broader life implications.

    Despite these differences, the intersection of Stoicism and CBT offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and emotional resilience. By integrating the wisdom of Stoicism with the evidence-based techniques of CBT, individuals can gain valuable tools for navigating life’s challenges and cultivating a greater sense of well-being.

  • Visual Chain Thinking: A Proven Method for Achieving Your Dreams

    Success is a journey that often seems daunting, a distant dream that only a select few can achieve. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. With the right mental model, anyone can transform their approach to success, making it more attainable and enjoyable. Visual chain thinking is a powerful mental model that breaks down large goals into smaller, manageable steps, allowing individuals to maintain motivation, focus, and ultimately achieve their aspirations.

    How Visual Chain Thinking Works:

    The visual chain thinking model is an effective approach for overcoming obstacles and achieving success in any area of life. Here are the key steps to implementing this concept:

    1. Defining Your Ultimate Goal:

    Begin by identifying your ultimate goal, which can vary from personal endeavors like weight loss or mastering a new skill, to professional aspirations such as starting a business or writing a book.

    1. Breaking Down the Ultimate Goal:

    Next, dissect your ultimate goal into smaller, achievable goals that contribute to the larger objective. For instance, if your goal is to start a business, smaller goals could involve creating a business plan, securing funding, building a team, developing a marketing strategy, and launching your product or service.

    1. Visualizing the Chain:

    Once you’ve established your smaller goals, imagine them as links in a chain. Each link symbolizes one of the smaller objectives, and as you accomplish each goal, you add another link to the chain, ultimately forming a complete, unbroken sequence. Visualization is a powerful tool that can help keep you motivated and focused on your ultimate goal.

    1. Focusing on One Link at a Time:

    Rather than becoming overwhelmed by the entirety of the process, concentrate on one link or goal at a time. This approach fosters motivation and prevents feelings of anxiety or defeat. For example, if your ultimate goal is to lose 50 pounds, focus on losing the first 5 pounds before moving on to the next milestone.

    1. Celebrating Each Success:

    As you achieve each goal, take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments. This reinforces your motivation and serves as a reminder that you are making progress toward your ultimate goal. Whether it’s a small treat for losing those first 5 pounds or a night out to celebrate a completed business plan, recognizing your achievements is crucial for maintaining momentum.

    Visual chain thinking is a powerful mental model that can transform the way individuals approach success. By breaking down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps, individuals can maintain motivation, focus on one task at a time, and ultimately achieve their aspirations. Embrace visual chain thinking and unlock your potential for success, one link at a time.